Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
