Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
