I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
