I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
