Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize