I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
