I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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