I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
