one two three fourrrrnication!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
