i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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