I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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