saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
