Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
