I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
