How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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