I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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