Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
