Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
