Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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