My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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