Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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