is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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