I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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