there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
