There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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