it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
