The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
