apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
