My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
