I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
