Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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