I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
