call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
