2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
