just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
