her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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