Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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