He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
