You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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