we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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