Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
