Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Michael Bay diarrhea
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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