OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
