my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
