How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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