I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude. I can hear the air.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
