how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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