next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
