I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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