From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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