I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
