i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
