Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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