About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
