But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
