I wish my penis had an off switch
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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