I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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