i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
