Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
