very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
