i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
