I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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