I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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