It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
