We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
