you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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