we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize