I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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