Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize