I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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