NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
