my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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