walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
