Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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