Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
