Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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