saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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