the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I believe in your delicious
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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