By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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