I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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