Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
