Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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