Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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